you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Randomize
