Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
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