the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
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