I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
My vagina is officially offended.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Randomize
