Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
someone threw a dead crab at me
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
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She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
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Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.