He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
21 Bartenders That Are Definitely Winning At Their Jobs
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger