Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate