Got a toothbrush?
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
21 Horribly Evil Pranks To Play On Your Drunk Friends
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future