I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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