i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
