So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
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