I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Randomize
