I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
