New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
