Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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