I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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