you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Randomize