I got chris browned last night
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
