I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
