He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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