as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize