He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
