Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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