Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
