Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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