how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
