True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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