Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
we're so committed to being not committed
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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