forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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