i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Someone shattered a urinal.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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