I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
