i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
