And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
Randomize
