he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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