Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
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