Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
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