What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
