I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Randomize
