You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
