the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
We smell like vodka and hangover
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