put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
