WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Vodka?
Forever.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
