Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
Randomize
