so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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