I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
