You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Houston, we have a squirter
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
