Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
