One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
