Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
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What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
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didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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