EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I lost the right to judge tonight
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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