happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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