I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
