the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Where is the hickey?
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
