he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
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