Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Randomize
