Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
