he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
now i know why i became what i already was.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Panties = found
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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