I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
