dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
