one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Of course I have a pirate flag
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
