She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
