Well apparently he's into motor boating.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
