Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
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