he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize
