the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
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I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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