Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
