Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
i just had sex bonerless
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Randomize
