Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
