Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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