Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Randomize
