you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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