Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
there's paper in my vomit.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
