Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
